Intro and worried....

RATS ASS
First of all welcome aboard the CSAT Train in here as I am sure you have read you will find many personalities and characters but mostly you find similarities among veterans. My name is Steve a former 031 infantry ( Royal) who served all battalions RoYAL and the CAR . I feel your story brother and it hits home like you would never believe and my first priority is not to say anything other than fucking " THANKS For YOUR SERVICE". Secondly as I have been on that lonesome highway for over 10 years is to offer an opinion not a remedy but merely my opinion. The biggest kick in the gut is going to be waiting for that day when you walk out that fucking gate, everything that you define life with lies within those boundaries of your career. The loss of things within your life have tossed your emotions on high alert and your ready for the ultimate loss. Well the only advise I can give you is accept that loss and focus on being a veteran. Most soldiers think of veterans as ole decrepit farts that drink too much or tell war stories, maybe so but a veteran is a hero that served his country period and is a soldier.  You got too embrace your physical and emotional illness or you will continue to be that soldier, the one that got you into this mess the on that was going to rocket past everyone and be somebody. Do not give up on yourself because whether or not you have made a huge contribution to our country and that my brother is your starting point. Way too many friends in here and still serving will not accept the greatness until they accept the failure, too me that is just crazy talk. You will have a new role in life after your military service in fact you will be required to live the life of a VETERAN. Agreed you will not become rich but those around you will become enlightened to your success.
I hope too see you around here Rat's Ass we all need guys like you and once more thanks for your dedication and loyalty to me and all other Canadians.

First a very unspecific intro as you never know who is reading. Greater than 25 years and still serving or for the next little bit anyways. After a tour or two to the gulf and then the sandbox I came home 3 years ago and was a changed person.. During a physical I promised my wife I would come forward about the not sleeping, nightmares when I do, living in the basement and fighting with myself to even look outside at times. battle with alcohol..I still do..disassociation from more than one activity...and family...Honestly my wife welcomed home a complete stranger...

So for the last 3 years I have been in therapy..sometimes interrupted by setbacks as a result of my PTSD issues...My wife finally unable to "fix" me..has left..about 6 or 7 medication changes/increases..here I am soon to be 3b released and having anxiety over the fact of potentially losing my house...

It just seems that everything I have worked for in the last 25-30 years has been flushed...5 years ago I had the world by the ass...the stars were all in line..and then the bottom fell out..

I have 10% from VAC but my Dr. refused to submit the final assessment..as I'm not stable yet...after 3 years I feel I'm as stable as I'm gonna get....I have a release date and this worry is impeding my CBT..I know it is...

anyways..that's me..

RA